Slate did a very nice issue on marriage on Monday and Tuesday. In particular, I recommend Emily Yoffe's (also known as Dear Prudence and the author of What The Dog Did) column about the manic nature of the modern bride, and also Meghan O'Rourke's article decrying the engagement ring, especially of the diamond-bearing variety.
Matt Zeitlin takes on O'Rourke's writings, and especially the more aggressively feminist side of the argument, which is (essentially) that the engagement ring is a relic of a time when there was much less gender equity, and the ring was a symbol both of 'ownership', and a material indication of the fact that the groom was purchasing the bride's virginity.
He makes some strong points about the rather patronizing attitude that modern liberals have towards the institution of marriage, and how those attitudes are affecting the class divide, with divorce rates rising for the poor, even as they go down in society overall.
It's a tough situation, and a tough opinion, and he rightly is taken somewhat to task by his commenters. But, at the same time, it is wildly naive to think that there is no link whatsoever between the freedoms promoted by the sexual revolution and the increase of children being raised in one-parent homes. And I hope that we can all, rationally, agree that, all other things being equal, it's best if a child can be raised by two loving parents who have stayed together.
To that end, marriage is a good thing. Life can be hard sometimes, and dealing with other people can be hard. Dealing with another person every single day, for the rest of your life, has to be exhausting and frustrating, I would imagine. I am sure that dealing with me every day would be enough to drive anyone short of a beatified saint absolutely batshit insane.
Being married is taking a vow, a commitment, that you are going to do your best to get through those tough times with grace, dignity, and a spirit of cooperation. Of course it doesn't always work out, being that this is, you know, the real world and all that. But it's a good ideal to aspire to.
Which doesn't mean that you can't point out the silly anachronisms such as engagement rings and napkins that match the floral arrangements. But it does mean that, when you rail against The Patriarchy, it would be nice to also make at least an aside about the fact that marriage, or if you cannot get past its historical issues, some sort of serious lifelong commitment, is a Good Thing.
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