Fun With Voices!

I'm not sure if I've ever written in this space before to recommend that everyone in America read themselves some Dan Savage. He is, without a doubt, the best sex advice columnist in America. He's not quite as funny as the classic Lovelines, back when Adam Corrola was teaming up with Dr. Drew. But he's plenty funny, and his advice is approximately 1000% more useful and applicable than theirs ever was. You can read his columns and download his live podcasts from The Stranger's website.

I really can't describe the column. It's a great mix of completely normal straight sex questions, followed by ridiculous questions about Donkey Punches and Hot Karl's (I'm sure as shit not going to explain here - go Google them if you must.)

His column is definitely adults-only. The topics and language are absolutely grown-up in nature. He's been doing a podcast for about a year now, and I have to say, it's absolutely amazing how slick and witty he manages to be while taping responses, often while actually talking live on the phone with the people who call in questions.

Faithful Reader E.S., after getting turned on by me to Savage's writings, e-mails to say

So I've been listening to the Savage Love podcasts for a few days now, and you are right, they are totally amazing. Dan's personality comes shining through, and I agree with his advice about 99% of the time. But I have discovered something, something that you should have told me a long time ago.

You and Dan Savage are the same person.

I'm not sure if you are his alter-ego, or vise versa -- maybe you are identical twins. But your voices sound EXACTLY THE SAME. Your speech patterns are EXACTLY THE SAME. I think I could record you saying, "Santorum: The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex," and not be able to tell which of you was speaking. It's creepy.

I must say, I really don't hear it. But, then again, I have absolutely no concept of what I actually sound like. Every time I hear my voice recorded I'm thoroughly disappointed by how un-suave and deep it is, compared to how it sounds from inside my own head. I think that I sound vaguely like Morpheus, but, in actuality, I'm much closer to Cypher.

So, I wonder if E.S. is right. Fortunately, through the wonders of the internet, we can actually find out! Here's a clip from Savage's latest podcast.



And here's me, reading the same thing.



What do you think? I think E.S. is probably on to something...

Ah, but that's not all. With the wonders of my new freeware audio program, here's me and Dan, talking over each other. It is a little creepy in the middle, when we are actually overlapping perfectly.



Here's Dan, talking chipmunk-style.



And here's me, like Zeus talking down from Mount Olympus.



Isn't technology keen?