Every Time I Think I'm Out...

It's been a pretty miserable last month-plus reading Bill Simmons' work on ESPN.com, due to his absolute insufferable glee at the fortunes of his hometown Celtics and Pats this year. I've ever skipped a few of his podcasts and columns because of it.

However, there's a reason I just can't quit his writing. Stuff like this:

The John Madden's Eyebrows Award for "Funniest ongoing subplot in HD"
Thanks to the freezing temperatures in Green Bay, poor Tom Coughlin's face turned a color of red that nobody even knew existed. In fact, Crayola needs to release a new blood-red crayon and call it "Tom Coughlin's Freezing Face." Out of all the e-mails we received about it, my favorite came from Adam Z. in Carolina: "It looks like Hannibal Lecter peeled Coughlin's face off. Someone get that man a hot towel, for the love of god!"

Although, thank god that the Mike Vrabel blatantly-illegal leg sweep of Philip Rivers, leading to an interception, didn't happen to Tom Brady and cause the Pats to lose the game. Page 2 would just now be posting his 110,000 word manifesto about it, which would devolve into utter incoherence after about 40,000 words, the point at which he would have gone 36 hours entirely without sleep. As it is, since the Pats were the guilty party in the affair, we just get a brief paragraph about it.

Not that this penalty cost the Chargers the game - the fact that they weren't as good as the Pats and Norv gutlessly kicked three field goals inside the 10 and punted three times in Pats territory were sufficient for that. But still.